There was this band called the Silver Jews and they held a mythical status in my mind long after I thought I could no longer feel like bands were made of mythical people or held mythical importance. The Silver Jews were really just one guy named David Berman. He was a guy I admired unironically and without reservation long after I thought I had forgotten how to be sincere forthright in my feelings.
He died yesterday. I had tickets to see him this coming Monday in Philly. I really related to his new album for personal reasons. Today I realized his album was probably a suicide note. Maybe it wasn't I'll probably never know. I might never know how he actually died although I think that everyone who cares has a pretty good idea. Maybe it was a heart attack or he choked or something. I don't know it that would make me feel better or worse.
This feels worse than when Kurt Cobain died. When Kurt died I couldn't really relate to dying. In the intervening decades though my mother has died and my estranged father has had a stroke. I've begun to feel old and I can imagine my own death with greater clarity and certainty.
I returned my ticket to the venue today and got my money back. It felt shitty.
There's a lot of horrible stuff going on right now. Stuff that is way worse; but this really hit me.
I was stunned to hear this as well. I was a fan of his albums in the '90s & had just heard about his return to making music. Been listening to Starlite Walker a lot the last few days.
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